Will I Get Dumber Now?

Ooooouuuuuccccha!

(Not mine pictured)

Today I had parts of my skull ripped from my face!  The people at work said that was a little "dramatic", but who are they to judge?  It's kind of an amazing process really.  I got to the Dr's office at 1:50, I was in the chair by 2 or so, they had the gas going by 2:05, a couple of needle pricks, then listing to two Old Hen's talk about their lives for a few minutes.  The Doctor came in and did his thing, I honestly have no idea what he did.  There were pliers, a drill, and....I think that was it.  I was out the door at 2:25.  I was at Rite Aid longer....

All I can say is thank God it's 2008.  Having in that done 50 years ago would have been awful.  Just the amount of pressure it took to get them out...  I couldn't imagine doing it without some sort of drug.  Right now I'm watching Policy Academy 4 and it is more painful to watch than it was to have my teeth pulled.  I'm still not sure what's going to happen in the next few hours or days, but right now I'm still bleeding pretty bad, but only in a marginal amount of pain.

I would also like to say what a great thing "Laughing Gas" is.  I was all buzzed up.

Here Comes Christmas Again!!!

I bought a computer back in May of this year, and the first widget I added to my desktop was a countdown clock to Christmas. As we sit at this moment it shows 36 Days 3 hours and 6 minutes to go..... I can't wait!!!

Even though my feelings about Christmas have changed a lot over the years in many was they've stayed the same. When I was little we would do the Christmas Eve Service every year, I would get a new sweater then stand up in front of the church with all the other kids and say "In those day Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world..." Then we would go to Grandma & Grandpa Iseler's to open presents and watch my uncles get drunk. We would get home around midnight, watch the Mass at St. Peters in Rome and go to bed then get up at 6:00am to open presents. Fast forward 20 years, now I'm the uncle getting drunk and instead of Mass we watch "A Christmas Story"....

4 years ago Chad and I started a tradition of our own.... We try to keep it as Christmassy as possible, and we have spread lots and lots of Christmas Cheer over the years. I attached 1 or 2 of the pics from last years Formal Outing... Click here if you want to see what it's all about.

Also, a Gold Star to every person who learns this dance before December 6th, and performs it at some point in the night. Nerissa, Autum, Lesley....I'm thinking you 3.

Have I Just Lost Interest? Or Have I become Uninteresting?

Ok, I get it.  Once a month updates to the blog are not going to fly.  I have heard from several different people that I need to be more diligent with my posting.  So I decided to give you a picture of the most amazing thing ever to help make up for it.

Google Images is silly

I'm not 100% sure why I have been so lazy lately.  I do tend to get bored easily, that may be playing a big role.  However, I just don't really think I have all that much to post about right now.  So, have I lost interest, or am I just uninteresting?  In reality it's probably a little bit from Column A and a little bit from Column B.  So I have been making a list of things to write about to help organize my thoughts.

  

1.  I never did a proper post about the Kickball Tournament.  Although, I think a couple people would thank me for that (Todd, Autum, probably Mike, not Chad, but most of Chad's team...).  Lot's of good stuff from that weekend, I can honestly say I've never see the Hotel such a mess.

2.  I was cleaning out my car and I found some papers dating back to May 5, 2005, a day that will live in infamy...  The day 3 young men traveled 376 miles and stopped at every Taco Bell they saw.  That's a story my friends, that's a story indeed.

3.  Halloween.

4.  The Christmas Cruise, this could be a couple good ones.

5.  Christmas YEAH!

6.  There is a good "HoCo Korner" out there just waiting to get posted!

That should do it for now.  It's a cheap post, but hey, it's a post, right?  Better than nothing, right?  I mean if you had to choose between nothing and this post you would take this post, right?  Alright, so maybe this wasn't such a funny post, so please enjoy these clips of something that has always made me giggle.

Lazy Bones

Wow!  I have been a Neglectful Nelly to the blog lately.  It's not like I haven't had any Kickball news to report on either, I've just been a...well lazy.

The Fall Season is 3 weeks old so far, and I have to say it's been pretty interesting.  Since they combined anyone that wanted to play from the "A League" and the "B League" and new teams off the street into one 11 team Fall League, the talent level can only be described as "peaks and valleys".  The good teams are good and the bad teams are terrible....we are both.  Depending on what week it is.

Week One was pretty interesting, we played one game against Vinny Delicious & The Band.  Everything was going well, we were up something like 13-2 when Hurricane Ike decided to join us in the bottom of the 3rd.  The cell phone obsessed umpire was out of there right after he waited long enough for us all to get really wet.  Both teams decided to finish the game, so there we were, playing some kickball in the rain.  Although, I need to bring up the point that I was not playing (I've been on the DL for much of the season) so I ended up umpiring the game.  We won going away, but it was a pretty cool experience to say the least, even if I was on the sidelines...

After week one was Nerissa's 25th Birthday party.  I could go on and on about Nerissa drink a little to much and paying a visit to the bathroom that need to be followed up with a mop, bucket, sawdust, a Hazmat team, and a gallon of bleach because she left her dignity all over the floor.  I could talk about her special rendition of the Thriller Dance, but I'll just let these pics do the talking...

The Birthday Girl is Nothing But "Rock'n Roll" (Must be Early)

The Screen Saver on my....everything

As you can see Nerissa is gravitating toward a "Punk Rock Crowd" but is still begging for "Peace"

Obviously she's doing well.  Get ready for the next 3 pics...

Those are my favorite 3 pics of all time.  I submitted the Middle one to Webster's to put under the definition of "Sweetest Girls Alive"

Fall Ball!

Man it has been a long time since I have made a post to the blog.  Sorry about that, and I still need to get more pictures up from the tournament.  Hopefully this post will provide me with the much needed motivation to get that done along with a couple of other posts.

I just came from the Fall League Kickball meeting, and fall ball is going to be a little different than what we are use to.  The main thing is that I am doing this one from the seat of my pants and don't have a lot of commitment from people, so getting a team over those 5 weeks should prove to be a challenge.  The way the schedule works out is that we play for 5 weeks, the first two weeks we only play one game a night.  The next 3 we play double headers as usual, although some games start a little late (around 8:45).  I will post the schedule to avoid confusion.  The best part is we either play at CP2 or MCF which means we always have a bathroom and bad umps....

I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to playing in the cooler weather, as long as we dress for it shouldn't be an issue and should give us the "football atmosphere" of competition.  I saw most of our competition there tonight and I'm pretty sure we will be one of the only teams "bringing the heat" this season.  

I have added something to the team this fall season on a trial run.  For a few years Bonsall has been "Captain" of the team although he hasn't worn the 'C' on his chest.  I thought in honor of trying something new (Fall League) we will add a Co-Captain.  I figure a Co-Ed team should have Co-Ed Co-Captain's, John McCain also inspired me by picking a smokin' hot VP (obviously this is photoshopped).  My selections is based on a number of things, but in the end I picked a girl that leads by example and with words (even though they are often mean and hurtful).  Congratulations Autum, you are the first Co-Ed Co-Captain ever in the history of the world (as far as I know).  I was considering calling this short season "Autum Ball", but that was way to much word play and...well in a word gratuitous.

Shannon was a very strong and very very close second place vote, however, I didn't think the captains should share a bed.  That much power in one family, they could turn against me and I can't have that.

Our first game is September 12th at 8:45pm...it's late I know, but I'm happy to report we will have a place to stay warm until the game and that very same bosom will welcome us back after the game to a warm whiskey smelling embrace, and that bosom belongs to Nerissa.  It's her 25th birthday and she wanted to make sure that everyone from our team could make it.  No real detail are set yet but look for them soon, probably a bar close to the field in Royal Oak or Ferndale area.  If I had a vote it would be in Danny's (not in Canada).  Either way it should be a good time.  Three birthday's in three weeks is going to cause my liver to pack up and leave me, don't forget about Cross' this friday and Ted VonSchmiddleshit's was last week.

I'm a Dummy...

So for the past several weeks I've been thinking about everything that it would take to get the Kickball Tournament going in PH and giving little thought to anything past that.  I wish I had not been so sort sighted.  Tomorrow (Saturday August 23) at noon Tim Finkel is going to do something truly remarkable, and I should be there for it.  He is going to get on his bike and ride it for 24 hours in a row, not only is he going to ride it, he is going to race against several other men that will be on the same single track mountain bike course.  That might sound completely stupid to some people, and to be honest if I didn't share a house with Tim I wouldn't understand it either.  

I tend to think about things, weird things, and recently I've really started to think about this race.  The more I learn about it the more I truly respect the undertaking he is doing here.  Last year he ran the marathon, and from my perspective that seems like something that I could do compared to this monstrous task.  By the way, in no way am I claiming to be capable of either, its just that from my little world it would be the difference between climbing Everest with a helicopter, every bit of technology, and top professional help to climbing Everest the way Sly Stallone ran around the mountain in Cliffhanger only with the 4 fattest Sherpas in the world strapped to my back with big rocks in there pockets.

I was reading Tim's food plan for the race, and I couldn't help but hear that neurotic voice in my head say "Who is going to make sure all of this happens!??!?!?!?!?!!?!"  Out of no where I felt like I should be the one responsible for it, it was then I realized I screwed up and was very short sighted for the past several weeks.  Although he is some very capable hands, at the end of the day they guys with him know what he will need more than I will.  Even if I wanted to go now, I wouldn't be able to because, like an idiot I don't have the right paperwork to get across the boarder with, and you know they are searching a creep like me.  

So tomorrow when you are eating your lunch, Tim will be getting on his bike.  When you are eating your dinner, he will still be on his bike.  When you get cleaned up and get into your comfy bed, bike.  When you wake up....still on the GD bike.  When you flip through the channels Sunday morning, Tim will be on that !$@^&$*(@#$ BIKE!!!!  Who knows what will happen to him.  At this point it has little or nothing to do with physical fitness for him, he has put the work in.  It's a mind game, I don't think it will hit him for the first 8-10 hours, but after that I would imagine it would be like a heroin withdraw at some point.  The little green monkey's might be waiting for him in the dark, he might find nirvana or he might find hell on earth, more than likely both, either way when you really think about it it's a scary deal and he has all my respect for even having the courage to test his metal that much.  This is one of those things that I will be kicking myself about for a long time to come for not being there to see it with my own eyes.

So Much To Say

I doubt I will get everything I want to say out in this entry so expect a couple more this week.  I've just been really really tired from the weekend and have not been home much.  However, the pictures and the stories are coming in so I am starting to piece Saturday night together.

All in all I don't think we could have done better for ourselves from a Kickball standpoint.  Finishing up Friday night with a split is something to be proud of.  We finished 4th in that tournament, one out of trophy contention.  Remember when we were forced to move up to the higher level at the beginning of the year?  Well we were the only team left that moved up and we eliminated a higher level team.  I'm not sure if anyone caught the article in the Free Press yesterday, but our league is probably the biggest in the state.  So with the way we are playing right now, and without exaggeration, we are one of the best Kickball Teams in the state of Michigan, that's a fact.  So I'm happy with the way the season in Oak Park ended, but I'm even happier with the way the tournament in Port Hope went from start to finish and especially the way it ended, with a Bayside Tiger's victory!

It is really hard for me to put into words (I know you don't believe me) what that tournament means to me.  As a kid we would go to the ball fields to watch softball tournaments and have a great time.  No one seems to do that anymore.  I realized a few years ago kickball is nothing more than a product that people buy, and for some reason it is selling pretty well right now, so I thought if I brought it to PH it could be a good time and a positive for the town, and I believe we have started something there.  If I wanted to I could have gotten a team of friends together from Port Hope and played with them, but the fact that the people from my team in Royal Oak took time out of there lives to travel up north 2 and a half hours with gas prices and how busy people are truly touched my heart.  

At the end of last years tournament I thanked everyone for "making my kickball dreams come true", without really realizing I was saying it.  Tim and Ang pointed it out to me later that night, and said "what made it funny was that you were 100% serious".  I was serious, and everyone that played on my team and drove up to PH from the Detroit area and everyone else that drove from all over the state and even parts of Indiana are a big part of that dream.  It's hard to describe the sense of satisfaction I felt Saturday night with a house full of close friend in the home I grew up in, with my parent and brother there, telling me "what a great group of friends I have" and those same friends telling me what great parents and family I have.  A lot of hard work goes into making the Port Hope Kickball Tournament a success, but it is worth all the time and effort that goes into it, and I would like to thank everyone that was a part of it, it means more than you know.

I promise my next post won't be so sappy.  Here is a preview.

She looks like a little Lady sitting there (worst picture of Autum ever. Those pants put on 30lbs in the hips, it's just a bad pic Big A, you don't look like that).  Who is that in the background, it looks like someone in total control right?  Stay tuned...

What A Week!

After winning only 3 games all year we win 3 out of 4 in one night, and the only game we lost was against the #1 team in the league and we were never really out of it.  Go figure.  I seemed like we had the perfect line up and everyone was playing outside their minds!  From the top of the line up to the bottom everyone kicked amazingly well.  I think I had more hits Friday than I did all year, including the one where the girl from Abba Zabba took a line drive right in the face and went down like Monica Lewinsky.  I think I caught the kicking fever from our new comers Tuzz and Hambright who I think went a combined 19-20.  Even if people weren't getting hits it seemed like they were advancing the runners, I wish I had all the scores from the season because I'm pretty sure we came close to matching out total run output for the year Friday.  After the first 3 games we had 30 runs, does anyone remember the score to the last game?  We had 8 0r 9 right?  I know we scored more than 40 runs in the previous 14 games, but I bet we didn't score 60....outstanding people.

All I can say is keep it up and for at least 5 more days.  If we kick like we did Friday, the Port Hope Tournament should be something we can win....but I'm getting about 2 steps ahead of myself.

Lots to do and think about for this Friday.  Our game is going to be at Victoria Field, we have not played there yet this year, so I will have to get you directions this week.  The game starts at 7:30, but what that really means is we will follow the game that starts at 6:30 at the same field.  Not sure who we are playing against, but if I had to guess it will either be Chico's Bail Bonds, Ballzonya, Ballz Deep, or Sons of Pitches...(there are a lot of "ball" puns out there huh?)  I have narrowed it down to those 4.  I'm guessing it's going to be Sons of Pitches, but we will just have to see.  Remember we burned up our first lose on Friday so one more and it's all over.

I was putting together the roster for the 15th in my head and for the first time 3 seasons my name isn't going to be on it, and it has really started to bother me.  I'm still going to make sure there are enough people, and everyone knows where they need to be, and someone is bringing beer...and all that stuff.  However, I came to the realization that I have spread myself to thin when it comes to kickball, and that my friends, is a sad realization and really made me rethink my priority's in life.  I have so many kickball oriented events going on I took the day off of work and I still can't do everything I want to do.  I'll tell you what, when I realized that our 4th game was in hand and we where going to win, it was bitter sweet.  I was VERY happy we won, because now we have bragging rights for at least a year, but I couldn't "savor the flavor" because I knew I couldn't be there on the 15th. 

So Bonsall is being promoted to Coach (even though I think he might be to much of a hot head based on the fit he threw Friday night at the ump).  It will be good practice for him since he will be coaching in the tournament in PH the next day.  Being Tournament Director and Coach would be a conflict of interest.

I'll be in touch with everyone going up north on Friday night to make sure everyone has a ride and is organized.  The way I see it, since the game starts at 7:30 there should be enough time to have all the riding arrangements set up so you can leave right from the field to get up there.  If it gets to late you might want to head up Saturday morning, but we have to play at 9:45 or it screws the whole day up for everyone there, so you would have to be on the road by about 7am depending on where you are coming from.  I think Tim said he was going to be at the game so he can lead you there or I can get you directions if you need them.  If you lose the first game you should be able to get to PH by about 11.  If you make it to the last game of the night you should be able to get there by about 2am.  

Ass of the Week was the easiest decision I've ever made, even though it goes against tradition.  Everyone played really well, so nothing really stood out, but the Ass of the Week has to go to the Shit Show during the 4th inning of the 4th game.  Between Jessy getting kicked out and everyone pissing and moaning....wow!  Never saw anything like it.

Playoffs

So Friday is going to be a "Do or Die" situation, in no way is that an exaggerating.   In order to keep the season going we need to win, something we have had problems doing this year.

After realizing what a stupid saying "Do or Die" is I Google Imaged it to see what came up.  This was the first thing that caught my eye.  In my mind this line never ends, it's just one of the mind boggling things that are done in the Pacific Rim.  To quote one of my favorite movies 'Robocop' "I'd buy that for a dollar!"

I received the playoff schedule on Monday, and everything looked good and in proper order, so naturally on Tuesday the Oak Park Rec department had to send out 2 completely different ones that didn't make any sense.  Friday at 6:30 we will be playing 'The Jerkstore' at the "main fields" where we played last week.  The good news is, win or lose we stay at those fields all night, which mean we will have bathroom access the entire time.  I think we have a great chance at beating the Jerkstore this time around, we are much more well seasoned, Shannon had not implemented her fastball when we played the first time, and we have some new blood on the team this time around, so I'm expecting good things.

Remember, this could end up being a night we stay at the field until close to 10:00 depending on if we win a couple of games.  The most we could play is 4.  

I'm a little disappointed in the turn out but we should have a good team on the field.  Let me know if this is correct.  For guys I have, Ryan, Brian, Tim, Hambright, and Tuzz.  For girls I have Autum, Shannon, Ang, Jen, and Sarah.  We have a good mix and we should be able to compete pretty well.  Any volunteers for beer duty?

Week Seven...

Since Friday night I have had a terrible taste in my mouth.  I'm not sure if it was from the two bitter defeats that we were forced to eat, or the incredible amount of dust I ingested from that dry field we played on.  I played the worst game of the season by far, capping it all off with a play were the ball went from a very awkward place for me to catch it (my hands) to a much more effective place (the souls of my feet).  Some of us had a relatively bad and hard game.  It's not really like me to run out and mention names, so I will leave it at that.  Nothing we can do about it now, but move on to the future.  What does the future hold?  I'm talking about the Playoffs.  (I also found this little gem).  We play the Solo Raiders at 6:30 at Tyler Field, more Playoff information to follow this week.

"Ass of the Week" goes to me for making an Ass out of myself by missing that ball and falling down like a dummy. 

So the "Teen Choice Awards" are on right now.  I was hooked in as I was flipping channels and that little spit fire Miley Cyrus was singing and jumping around the stage in a hypnotic way that made me stop.  I'm not sure what happened after that but I just realized I watched 45 minutes of that show and have lost the ability to feel on the left side of my body.  I'm dizzy and I'm loaded with questions.  1. "Who are the Jonas Brothers, and why did every single person in that arena scream whenever their name was mentioned?  I wasn't sure if they liked them or if those adorable little guys were terrorizing the crowd."  2. "How is Adam Sandler still winning awards and why is he still considered funny?"  3. "When did Dane Cook do something this year, and what could he have done that would have nominated him for an award?  Are they giving out awards for doing something great 4 years ago?"  4. "How in the F does Will Smith win the award for best summer movie.  The category was BEST SUMMER MOVIE and I swear on my life the winner was Will Smith.  He got up and made a speech about how every single piece of "art" (I think I made some "art" this afternoon in men's room that would have brought tears to people's eyes) he puts into the world, he does with his family, his fans, and God in mind.  My question about him was, why doesn't God make him slip and impale himself on the surfboard he won as the prize for being voted the Best Summer Movie?  WHY GOD?!?!  I'll tell you why, because God only hears the prayers of 13 year old girls that look like Jenna Jameson that can scream at full volume without taking a breath for 120 minutes at a time and the only thing they can agree on is that the next season of American Idol can't get here fast enough and Jamie Lynn Spears is going to be a 'great mom', that's why."  It wasn't until after some 15 year old handsome devil I had never seen before told me the best way to spread Al Gore's lie of going "Green" was through MySpace that I finally was able to dislodge my tongue from the back of my throat and come to my senses long enough to shut the TV off.  I just wanted to hear Hannah sing 7 Things and I lost an unknown amount of brain cells.  I don't know how those marketing guys do it but I couldn't stop myself from Googling Zac Efron just now, and I think I'm going to fall asleep to whatever song he has playing on his MySpace page tonight.  I just want to hang out with that guy for some reason.  He seems really grounded and he doesn't follow the trends like the other people out there he's above it all, he's in it for the art, like Will Smith.

For some reason I cannot post a picture tonight, but if you know who these people are do yourself a favor, and kill yourself.

Season's Come and Season's Go...

Friday will be our last "regular season game" this year.  After that it's all tournament style, the thought of this has given me an ulcer the size of Tim's areola.  This week we play at CP2 at 6:30.  That is the 'main' field.  Go to the corner of Coolidge and Oak Park Blvd turn west and go one block to the softball field there.

Leah said she would bring beer, and I think someone else said they would too....I can't remember.  Cross get on that, we might need a lot, especially if people are going go over to The Bonsall's after the game, I expect a Shit Show.  Sounds like we are going to have the meat and potato's of our team this week, and we are going to need it because we are going to find ourselves in a vicious cockfight with Son's of Pitches this week.  They are 8-4 overall, and I have deep seeded hate and aggression toward this team for several reasons.  Nothing would please me more than to come out with a couple of victory's.  Should that happen, don't be surprised to find yourself being high fived, ass slapped, or with both our hands clasped with our arms extended as we spin in circles with tears of laughter running down our apple red cheeks.

I've been battling some sort of respiratory infection Timmy was kind enough to bring back with him from Wisconsin.  I'm coughing like I'm married to Edgar Allen Poe, and sniffing like I'm a stock broker in Manhattan in the mid 1980's.  I've developed quit a little Dextromethorphan habit in the last few days, so if I start talking about little green monkey's or asking to borrow money tomorrow just ignore me and give me a bottle of Tussin and send me on my way.  Got to go, Roadhouse is on tonight, and I've already missed the beginning, so I now I won't be able to catch up on the complex character development or plot line F!  Someone remind me to talk about T-Shirts for Port Hope tomorrow.

Week Six...

With 18 days to go before the Port Hope Kickball Tournament I'm filled with panic and excitement!  But also hope...  

With Double Deuce carrying a record of 3-9 I'm finding the tournament as the biggest ray of sunshine to salvage the season.  The league title has been out of reach since Week One, and we are going to have to play perfect in the playoffs to give ourselves a chance to compete there.  The only way I see it is we need to keep the steady pace of improvement going and hopefully peak on August 16th.  I think we have been getting better and better every week and have nothing to be ashamed of as a 3-9 record would suggest.  I don't know how many of you read Tim's blog, but a couple of weeks ago he brought up the point that he has been finishing his races close to the top, but can't get over the hump and win one.  I feel like we are in a similar situation.  I think each and every person has gotten better as the year has gone on, and we are playing better as a team.  That's why this week was by far the most frustrated I have ever been at a kickball game.  We had all the pieces there to win at least one of those games, but for several different reasons we couldn't put it together.  

When it comes down to it kicking is the biggest of our problems, of whom I am the chief sinner.  It's the one thing we don't have figured out.  I talked to a couple of gurus to come in and help focus on what we need to do, but all the credible ones are working for Olympic teams...I guess we will have to figure this one out alone.  We just need to continue to play the field on defense.  Run to the ball, get into the game.

This is the toughest week yet to pick Ass of the Week.  Autum was mean as a snake and fought me at every turn, but that's about par for the course so no big whoop there.  Cross fell in such a way that I thought he was going to be the Joe Theismann of kickball, but everything worked out fine so I would like to take this time to officially laugh at him for falling and looking like a total ass.  Andrew Scriver saved us, by filled in for an injured player and in true competitor fashion laid out for the ball in an attempt to get in front of it.  But one story is much more interesting.  

For the second week in a row I had to scramble to get players, I managed to come across a den of them right where I spend a majority of my days, at my desk.  Matt Hambright played last week, and his sister Gretchen sits right next to me.  On the other side of me sits Richard Chadwick a long time friend of Matt.  The idea presented itself and there we had it  Matt, Dick, Gretchen, and Matt's wife Julie...boom we playin' kickball people.  Chadwick, being the prideful trash-talker he is, spent about 30 hours straight telling Hambright how awesome of an athlete he is and how much he is going to enjoy dominating one of his favorite childhood games again.  The key word here is "Athlete", I even crossed out "Chadwick" on the batting order and replaced it with "Athlete".  We all get to the field and there's Chadwick, mid-thirty's, 25lbs overweight, lovely and supportive wife and son in tow, and wearing sunglasses and metal cleats....looking good.  Chadwick get's his first pitch of the game and clearly LOVES IT!  He kicks a beautiful hit down third baseline that is erroneously called foul, I think the ump got a text or was checking the Tigers score on the phone at that moment.  However, in the middle of Chadwick's great effort he used up all of his athleticism and blew out his quad on his kicking leg.  I was coaching first and as he ran to me he looked bad, well dressed and stylish, but bad.  He had to do a painful re-kick, and low and behold he does almost the exact same thing and gets on base again....but his day was over.  He managed to make it to the top of the 5th before being replaced, and the second he went out of the game the whole day went to shit.  The next kick was a homerun to his position, and the Solo Raiders might as well have kicked me in the groin with each player in the line up.  

That could totally be Chadwick behind that mask, now go out

there and get some of that sweet sweet Maggy Gyllenhaal ass.  Gross.

For this Chadwick, you get "Ass of the Week", but it's not for what you think.  It's not for talking a bunch of trash for which Captain Karma pretty much Tonya Harding'ed you.  

That kind of mouthy-ness is encouraged on this team.  It's for living the mantra of this summer #1 popcorn movie "Dark Knight", "It's better to die a hero, than live long enough to be a villain.".  You couldn't have played it better, as soon as you went out we fell apart.  Way to go Richard Chadwick, you are truly an Ass.

Week Five...

I'm pretty happy with the way things went Friday.  Granted, we were playing against a bunch of people that had never played before and had no idea what they were doing, but when you're 1-7 you take what you can get.  With, Brian, Shannon , Strong, Jen, Lauren, Tim, Aman, Leah, Autum, Fox, Jacki, Steve, and Erica all unavailable to make the game I had my work cut out for me trying to get a team together.  (Side note: HBO has a documentary about Heidi Fleiss starting a brothel in Nevada on right now.  Sounds good right?  7 minutes in I'm rating it unwatchable.)  Lucky for me, and the rest of the team, Kerri Dhyse was on point and picked up two quality girls from work.  

However, at about 1 o'clock Friday I found myself one dude short.  I had made a couple of calls with little success.  Then in a stroke of genius I called my old co-worker Matt Hambright, a 6' 6" 235lb monster who apparently hates kickball's because he kicked them like they stood his sister up for prom.  

The ACS girls, Megan and Holly showed up and played great.  (So now I'm watching Beerfest, quality comedy, but I don't like that the beer in the last scene is CGI, seems to forced.)  The whole team played great defense from the get go, and being a defensive minded player this got me motivated.  I ended up making the best catch of my life, it was a lovely over the shoulder Willie Mays meets Jerry Rice meets an unathletic fat 12 year old boy taking his first ballet lesson for Blair's cousin Geri from The Facts of Life. (Ah, Brewsters Millions is on, good night on HBO.  If anyone was trying to think of a good gift to get me I'll take the Richard Pryor Box Set "And It's Deep Too".  It's a 9 CD set, you can get it on Amizon.com, I've had my eye on it for a while).

"Ass of the Week" honors could go several ways again.  Angela LaRosa ran the bases like she was trying out for he U.S. Olympic team.  After reaching first on the 1st baseman's error, Ang was no longer satisfied with just reaching first anymore.  After a poor throw got away from the defense Ang rounded 1st and went straight to second.  She then sat patiently while the next kicker placed a ball that would have for sure been a forced out if she had ran.  The next kicker advanced her to third, and the one after that brought her home.  The funny part was that as she was leaving the dugout she handed her sunglasses to Cross and said "Hold these please." to which he replied, "You'll get them back after you score."  Hambright, should be noticed for hitting for the cycle, Megan and Holly 'get some' for playing very smart and heading out to the bar afterwards.  However, "Ass of the Week" goes to Kerri.  Not only did she pitch well, get on base several times, and score a run, she has been key in getting the team ready to play the past couple of weeks.  Way to go Kerri!

Kerri is the subject of the first Kickball Korner "Separated at Birth".  Way to go on the 2'fer Kelly Kapowski, er...I mean Kerri!

Who are these guys?

Look at those two little guys!  What do you think they were talking about?  I would like to think that they were discussing defensive strategy's and kickball player placement.  See the little field they were playing with?  I think the bow tie is my favorite part of the picture, that and the hansom kid in the red shirt.

The game this week is 6:30 at MCF, which is at Coolidge and Oak Park Blvd behind the pool at the main facility.  We have a bathroom this week! 

So far this week for guys we have: Me, Cross, Mike, and Todd, Steve might be in as well, we will find out soon.

For girls I have: Autum, Erica, Sarah, Ang.  So I'm open to ideas on people to get to play.

Week Four...

Kurt Cobain once said "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."  He also said "Do you have any shotguns with toe attachments?"...what?  To soon?  It's been 14 years people, I know that might come as a shock to our senior teammates.....Aman, Erica I'm talking to you.  I can picture Erica lighting a candle April 5, 1994 and saying something profound to her classmates like "he was speaking right to me." he's gone Lil'E, let him go.

1967-1994

Wash your hair Kurt

For the purposes of this week's write up I want to focus on Kurt's first quote.  I thought it was relevant based on the team we played Friday.  Abba Zabba is a great example of what I don't want a kickball team to be.  They are very good, we would have to play perfect in order to have a chance to beat them.  They are going to win the league title and be the heavy favorite in the playoffs, that's a fact.  They are also a bunch of Assholes.  I look at Abba Zabba and I don't see the "kickball spirit" I see in Double Deuce.  

"I would rather play for a kickball team that had a losing record, that I loved, than play for a winning team I hated." - Ryan Woodke

However, what I do want to see more of is people "getting in the game".  The outfield should treat every play like a pickle situation.  Get in there and back up 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.  Cover home if need be.  Think about what you need to do with the ball if it comes to you.  How should we adjust when a guy is up compared to a girl.  Play the field, not your position.

"Ass of the Week" could go in a few different directions this week.  The Toddster made his debut this week and played great, Dan and Jamie also made there first appearance and showed lots of promise.  I always like to give credit to people who come out and don't know a lot of players on the team, thanks to Kerri and Erica for helping with the subs this week.  A couple people mentioned that I could get it this week, I have to tell the truth, my throat was a little sore after the game because I don't think I stopped yelling the whole time.  If I would have scored that run I would have considered giving myself the nod, but I didn't.

I think in the end the "Ass of the Week" is a no brainer.  It has to go to Timmy.  Not only did he unwittingly make one of the most amazing plays I've seen when the ball went through his legs on his way home, he brought every single member of his family to the game.  Tim, since it is summer and you wear a helmet 15 hours a day, I think you should have Ang cut your hair like this dude I saw at the Tigers game a few weeks ago.  So way to go T-DOG on a great "Ass of the Week" performance.

Let me know if you are in or out this week, it's a screwy week and we are going to have a hard time getting at team together.

HoCo Korner 2

The caption to this picture read:

"Sisters Addison and Maria each won a rod and reel in the kids' drawing."

Big Gulp's Huh? Alright. Well, See Ya Later...

It's the 7-11 game so, don't forget your Slurpee's!  Get it?  Because the date of the game is the same as the popular convenience store 7-Eleven that became famous because of there delicious Slurpee's, and this is pretty funny too.

The game is at Tyler 1, which is on 11 Mile between Coolidge and Greenfield.  Turn at the light at Tyler Rd.  We played the Jerkstore at the same field, no bathroom.  Game time is 6:30.  Kerri and I are bringing beer (You are responsible for your own Big Gulp cup).

We got 3 new people showing up to get a full squad so make sure they feel welcome for helping us out.  It's going to be a tough game so be prepared. 

Independence Day Weekend Part 2

Like I said last week, I was the "Don King of Port Hope Kickball" this past weekend.  As I have also said a few times my town does a lot for the Holiday weekend.  Fireworks are always on Saturday night and the Parade is always Sunday at 2pm.  I've been in this parade or watched it every year of my life.  I have not been in it since my brother and I had a float for Woodke Lawn Service back in 1992, well I figured 16 years on the shelf was enough.  

I needed to get the word out about the 2nd Annual Port Hope Kickball Tournament on August 15th and 16th and have a little fun at the same time.  Lucky for me our Short Stop Tim Finkel and catcher/outfielder Angela LaRosa happened to be in town that same weekend and helped me out.  Every year the Port Hope Parade has 4 things, tractors (probably 150 of them), queens (not like a Ferndale parade, but bean, sugar, 4H...), politicians (big election year this year), and sun shine (it has never rained on a Port Hope Parade).  So I decided to lampoon all 4 all in one float.  Lucky for me my dad had his 1944 McCormick Farmall "A" tractor home.  So I had a tractor.  Finding a queen was a little harder.  I asked a couple girls who I thought would be up for it, but was turned down.  Undeterred, I caught wind that Mark McTaggart and his girlfriend Keri Barnett (think I dicked up the spelling) were going to be in town.  Long story short about Mark and Keri, they are a ton of fun and some of my favorite people that I don't get to see very often, but when we do get together it usually ends at about 4-5 in the morning in Mark's mothers kitchen making deviled eggs.

I asked and Keri agreed to be the first ever Kickball Queen probably in the history of the known universe, and Mark agreed to drive the tractor.  Now I needed a politician, I found that guy when I looked in the mirror, now I needed some sunshine.  I flashed a quick smile, and BOOM!  There it was.  Now I had a Float.  Mix in Tim and Ang handing out flyers a couple kickball's 12 Miller High Life's, and now we are partyin'.  Keri wore a dress that couldn't have been more perfect, I went straight to Marv's closet and pulled out a fine short sleeved collard shirt, orange tie and I was set....Here is how it went down...

Keri, Mark and Ang getting ready, you can almost see the butterflies in the tummy's.  Keri and I walked pasted the Bean Queen right before the parade started, they waved and said "hi" and I said "you realize you are completely mocking her right now right?"

Me and the Queen making another Kickball Dream come true.

Tim getting a shot of me and the Flyer.

Queen Keri "Gettin' Some!"

Keri's best quote was as we are pulling onto Main St.: "This is so F**ki*g Cool."

Mark's best quote: "Keri, you might be in the Paper!"  (how cool would that have been for a "HoCo Korner?)

God I'm an idiot.

Doing a little politician...  I did run over and kiss my Grandma at one point.

Here's Ang, doing a great job pick out the "Target Market".

I bet I ran a mile in that Parade, but like Tim said "It's like your wedding, you plan and plan and it's over in a second."

Once again, just another great great kickball experience in Port Hope, I really think I got something growing there.  Special thanks to my sisters-in-law Cathy and Gretchen, my Mom and Dad, brother Greg, Keri, Mark, Tim, and Ang who all gave me all the help I needed to make it happen.

Let me know if you are in or out this week, I think we have a short staff (story of my life).

Independence Day Weekend Part 1

I got a say, the 4th of July is one of my favorite times of year.  I've spent all 28 of my Independence Day's in the sleepy little town of Port Hope, that weekend the village turns into a hustling and bustling Metropolis.  I get to see people I only see once or twice a year, the Hotel is always full and of course, tractor pulls, flea markets, fireworks, campfires, parades, blah blah blah.  Sunday I spent a little to much time in the sun and got burned up pretty good.  

This morning I got on the elevator and right after I hit the button a very attractive girl got on after me.  As she got on she quickly scanned the handful of occupants and we caught eyes for a second.  It's funny how much can happen in a flash.  For an instant I thought, "is she checking me out?".  Remember this is right at 8 o'clock, so I wasn't thinking clearly.  After realizing that that couldn't be it I became temporarily telepathic and could read her thoughts, and as we locked eyes I could tell she was thinking "I wonder if the fireman that pulled that horribly disfigured burn victim from that house fire was cute."  

After the 30th person said, "get a little sun this weekend?"   I became annoyed and started telling people it was a new tanning lotion I was trying out, I figured if this guy can get away with it, so can I.

I'm still working on my pose, but I figured if I started spiking my hair it would become more natural looking.  Now I just have to make if through the week without cursing at someone, I plan on staying close to my desk for the duration.

Port Hope State of Mind

With the 4th of July looming, I may have "mentally checked out" a little premature, I think it was around Monday at 10:15...I went as long as I could.

The extra long day-dreaming sessions added to the lack of pressure from not having to play a game this Friday has proven very beneficial for the Port Hope Kickball Tournament in August.  I have become extremely motivated in the recent days to getting as many teams as possible for this year.  I have put together some informative flyers and posters and hope to get a Float in the parade this Sunday.  Basically I'm going to be the Don King of Kickball from Thursday night to Monday afternoon, and I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm sure it goes without saying but I'm really looking forward to this years tournament, and instead of going on and on like I usually do, I'm just going to post some pics from last year.

Everyone!  Come see how good we look!

Uncle Ry-Bread was pooped!

I think my pants just got shorter!

My Special Little Guy.

This is what happens when trains run on the same tracks.

Taken a break.

Tim is looking....well, like Leah

Must be early in the night...Looking good Ladies.

We are both two fisting, but I think it's for different reasons.

Nothing but good decision making going on here.

Week Three...

What a difference a week makes!  We must have been saving up our quality play for a quality opponent.  Either that or everyone on the team responds positively to negative reinforcement, and my speech about getting The Golden Girls to play really paid dividends.  I'm just going to assume it was the latter of the two and keep giving as much criticism as I can.  The success of the team means that much to me.  Those of you who know me know that the last thing I ever want to do is point out a flaw, or say a disparaging word about another one of God's creatures, my Mother raised me right (and it has recently come to my attention that she reads this blog, HI MOM!).

Funny story about our first win, all of which is true by the way.  The week started off with a nightmare, literally.  Monday morning I woke up with a jolt.  I had just had a dream that bears were attacking people.  Giant bears were breaking into people homes and killing them, it was one of those very vivid dreams were everything is clear and in color, you know the kind.   It might sound stupid, nightmares usually do, but when I woke up I was a little shaken.  I even mentioned it to someone later in the day because it stayed with me for a while.  At the time I didn't know what it meant, but Thursday I really started thinking about the team we were playing Friday.  Chico's Bail Bonds.  The name comes from one of the all time funny movies The Bad News Bears.  BEARS!  My subconscious, or something, was trying to send me a message, but I wasn't taking the hint because I still couldn't see the big picture.  I prefer to communicate in a much more direct way, which could also be one of the many reasons I don't have a girlfriend.  Fast forward to Thursday night, obviously frustrated with me, the Universe took a much more direct path.  Television executives gave me hundreds of shows and movies to watch that night, but I watched only two, Road House, and The Bad News Bears.  What are the odds that those two movies would be on the same night the day before we had a showdown between Chico's and the Double Deuce?  After watching them I realized something I had forgotten, at the end of the movie, the Bears lose!  As we all know the Double Deuce wins in the end of Road House, but 99% of the time the hero wins, the Bears didn't and I had missed that fact.  Something out in the cosmos need me to get that message, who knows maybe I have some alien relative that is looking out for us. 

 

To be honest I gave us little chance on Friday, but there were larger forces at work.  I would like to take credit but how can I when every single person got on base?  Sure we didn't rack up a ton of runs but we completely overwhelmed them with base runners.  Not only that we locked them down on defense, and we had a little Tatum O'Neal of our own on the pitchers mound throwing smoke.  I was very happy with how things went.  We had a solid chance at winning game two for the sweep, but they placed some nice kicks that we couldn't get to and ended up squeaking out a win like a fart in church.

Lots of nominations for Ass of the Week.  Autum and Erica kicked the crap out of the ball.  Ang made it on base for the first time ever, Steve had a couple circus catches.  Hell the whole team played great.  I considered giving it to Timmy for having a few very uncharacteristic butter-finger plays, but thought better of it.  Ass of the Week goes to Shannon for her wonderful pitching performance.  Way to go Shannon, two weeks in a row, one for not so good reasons, and one for a great performance.

No game this week have a great 4th.  

HoCo Korner

I've decided to add a segment to the blog called "HoCo Korner".  As most of you know I was born and raised in Huron County, affectionately known as HoCo to its native sons and daughters.  It's a large area of land made up of small farm community after smaller farm community.  It would be near impossible to accurately describe what it's like there, at least not in one entry.  I'm actually very happy I grew up where I did, and have many wonderful memory's.  However, I feel that with every passing year that I don't live in HoCo (it's been 10 since I've lived there on a full time basis) I become a little more what they called "citified".  I'm not sure if I have become "citified" or not, I'm sure my brothers would say that I have.  I do notice that I might have gained a little more perspective on things.  I would like to think that it's just a byproduct of becoming older and having a small increase in wisdom.  That and putting some distance between myself and HoCo.  Kind of like the saying "You can't see the forest through the trees" I've distanced myself from the forest and can see it a little more clearly....and I've found it can be rather funny to look at.

Anyway, Huron County has one daily paper called The Huron Daily Tribune.  Many would consider it to be a "bad paper", but I think a large part of that stigma has to do with a limited amount of news in the area.  Some of the issues they have to report on may not seem to be as important to us "citified" individuals as to the rest of the residence.  Well the Huron Daily Tribune has recently updated their website to include pictures, FINALLY!!!  From time to time when I see a picture of interest on their site I'm going to post it to "HoCo Korner" and challenge you fine people to post the best quote, saying, short story, or what have you in response.  So with no further adieu, I give you the first "HoCo Korner"