Sunday, June 29, 2008

Week Three...

What a difference a week makes!  We must have been saving up our quality play for a quality opponent.  Either that or everyone on the team responds positively to negative reinforcement, and my speech about getting The Golden Girls to play really paid dividends.  I'm just going to assume it was the latter of the two and keep giving as much criticism as I can.  The success of the team means that much to me.  Those of you who know me know that the last thing I ever want to do is point out a flaw, or say a disparaging word about another one of God's creatures, my Mother raised me right (and it has recently come to my attention that she reads this blog, HI MOM!).

Funny story about our first win, all of which is true by the way.  The week started off with a nightmare, literally.  Monday morning I woke up with a jolt.  I had just had a dream that bears were attacking people.  Giant bears were breaking into people homes and killing them, it was one of those very vivid dreams were everything is clear and in color, you know the kind.   It might sound stupid, nightmares usually do, but when I woke up I was a little shaken.  I even mentioned it to someone later in the day because it stayed with me for a while.  At the time I didn't know what it meant, but Thursday I really started thinking about the team we were playing Friday.  Chico's Bail Bonds.  The name comes from one of the all time funny movies The Bad News Bears.  BEARS!  My subconscious, or something, was trying to send me a message, but I wasn't taking the hint because I still couldn't see the big picture.  I prefer to communicate in a much more direct way, which could also be one of the many reasons I don't have a girlfriend.  Fast forward to Thursday night, obviously frustrated with me, the Universe took a much more direct path.  Television executives gave me hundreds of shows and movies to watch that night, but I watched only two, Road House, and The Bad News Bears.  What are the odds that those two movies would be on the same night the day before we had a showdown between Chico's and the Double Deuce?  After watching them I realized something I had forgotten, at the end of the movie, the Bears lose!  As we all know the Double Deuce wins in the end of Road House, but 99% of the time the hero wins, the Bears didn't and I had missed that fact.  Something out in the cosmos need me to get that message, who knows maybe I have some alien relative that is looking out for us. 
To be honest I gave us little chance on Friday, but there were larger forces at work.  I would like to take credit but how can I when every single person got on base?  Sure we didn't rack up a ton of runs but we completely overwhelmed them with base runners.  Not only that we locked them down on defense, and we had a little Tatum O'Neal of our own on the pitchers mound throwing smoke.  I was very happy with how things went.  We had a solid chance at winning game two for the sweep, but they placed some nice kicks that we couldn't get to and ended up squeaking out a win like a fart in church.

Lots of nominations for Ass of the Week.  Autum and Erica kicked the crap out of the ball.  Ang made it on base for the first time ever, Steve had a couple circus catches.  Hell the whole team played great.  I considered giving it to Timmy for having a few very uncharacteristic butter-finger plays, but thought better of it.  Ass of the Week goes to Shannon for her wonderful pitching performance.  Way to go Shannon, two weeks in a row, one for not so good reasons, and one for a great performance.

No game this week have a great 4th.  

Thursday, June 26, 2008

HoCo Korner

I've decided to add a segment to the blog called "HoCo Korner".  As most of you know I was born and raised in Huron County, affectionately known as HoCo to its native sons and daughters.  It's a large area of land made up of small farm community after smaller farm community.  It would be near impossible to accurately describe what it's like there, at least not in one entry.  I'm actually very happy I grew up where I did, and have many wonderful memory's.  However, I feel that with every passing year that I don't live in HoCo (it's been 10 since I've lived there on a full time basis) I become a little more what they called "citified".  I'm not sure if I have become "citified" or not, I'm sure my brothers would say that I have.  I do notice that I might have gained a little more perspective on things.  I would like to think that it's just a byproduct of becoming older and having a small increase in wisdom.  That and putting some distance between myself and HoCo.  Kind of like the saying "You can't see the forest through the trees" I've distanced myself from the forest and can see it a little more clearly....and I've found it can be rather funny to look at.

Anyway, Huron County has one daily paper called The Huron Daily Tribune.  Many would consider it to be a "bad paper", but I think a large part of that stigma has to do with a limited amount of news in the area.  Some of the issues they have to report on may not seem to be as important to us "citified" individuals as to the rest of the residence.  Well the Huron Daily Tribune has recently updated their website to include pictures, FINALLY!!!  From time to time when I see a picture of interest on their site I'm going to post it to "HoCo Korner" and challenge you fine people to post the best quote, saying, short story, or what have you in response.  So with no further adieu, I give you the first "HoCo Korner"

Week Two...

Week two, which was actually week 4, was not pretty.  Not much to say really.  I saw a girl hit a home run...just not for our team.  That sticks out more than anything.  I could go on and on, but I want to shed myself from that negative week.  Lucky for me Road House is on WGN as I type and it's doing a wonderful job of recharging my battery's (Assist to Brian Bonsall for sending me a text to let me know it was on).  Right now in the movie Dalton's whole world is falling apart....I know how you feel Sway-z...I know how you feel.

What we need to do is come together.  Play a little smarter (Oh God, Dalton's best and only friend was just murdered, I sure feel sorry for whoever did it, cause Dalton looks pissed!)  What I noticed more than anything in the last game was people standing around on defense.  I think this week we need to concentrate on "getting in the game".  If you are playing in the outfield and the ball is hit in the infield, get yourself in position to back up a throw.  If a girl is up remember to adjust your position in the field, she can't hit it over your head, but she can hit it over an infielders head, so get as close to the infield as you can.  If you're in the infield (Dalton just killed like 4 dudes!) remember to run the player back to the base so they can't sneak an extra base in.  Remeber if we get every girl out (Very tense right now Dalton is considering killing the main villain......he didn't, thank God, but some other guys did.  Good guys won.) they can't run the score up on us.   All we need to do is play a little smarter and we are going to give ourselves a better chance to win....that and stop kicking the ball like we play for the Shady Pines Retirement Home Tuesday afternoon rec league.  Honestly, we would be better off if we had Betty White, Bea Arthur and the rest of the Golden Girls out there kicking for us.  I'm not pointing finger because I'm just as guilty as everyone else, but we really suck at kicking, and since we are playing 'kick'ball it's really starting to become an issue.  

Ass of the Week goes to Shannon due to the opposing girl kicking her home run to left field, which Shannon was playing.

Game is at 6:30 at CP2.  Take 696 to Coolidge South.  Go 1/2 mile to Oak Park Blvd.  Turn Right (west) go past all the buildings to the big parking lot, it's the main field right there.  We have bathrooms as well.  

Quick question, who is the hottest Golden Girl.  Rank'em, and give your reasons why.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Picture Day

It looks like most of the team will be here this Friday (Let me know if you are not going to make it), so I'm going to call it PICTURE DAY!!!!  Don't forget your comb, because even though we might not have the best looking record in the league, it doesn't mean we can't be the best looking team.  Ladies....don't be afraid to be sexy.  Guys, tap your inner Swayze.

Ideally, I would like to take everyone down to Olan Mills and get some good shots done, but I think we will just do it at the field.  We play at 6:30 this week at CP2, I think we will take it after the game, someone might want bring a mirror so no one ends up looking like Rocky Dennis.  (What was his mother thinking?  She let him grow a mullet, and you know, she smoked all that crack with a fertilized egg attached to her womb, talk about duh!)

Speaking of looking like Rocky Dennis....All American A-Holes play at 8 on the other field at Oak Park and Coolidge, so we will have a game to watch while we make the cooler weight more manageable.  The games really tucker me out and it hurts my shoulder to carry a partially full cooler.  We have a bathroom this week.  Look for the Week Two write up soon.  I'm soul searching to find something good to say...I feel like Dalton after observing all of his bouncers at work his first night at the Double Deuce.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Fields Are As Empty As My Heart...

Not to point out the obvious but the season started 18 days ago and we have played only 2 games thus far.  The bye week and the rain out last week have wreaked havoc on our PT.  Having my favorite past time ripped away from me has given me a little time to think.  Thinking about the game, thinking about why we strap on our cleats every Friday night.  Thinking about why we play.  

I'm from a rural area and many of the old barns and houses in the area are pretty primitive and over 100 years old.  I think about the men and women that built those buildings and lived in them, and how hard life would have been for them.  Did they ever think that a working class people would ever have life so easy, that they would be able to play a silly game for fun like we do?  Who has that kind of time?  But the fact of the matter is that we have evolved in those 100 years and have things very easy these days.  Microwave ovens, refrigeration, cell phones, computers, the interweb, all things that make life easier that we take for granted (well maybe not the Bonsall's who's power goes out every time the wind gets stiff enough to move a fart out of the room).  We've been to the moon and back, for crying out loud!  We live in a superior futuristic time, so we should be able to spend our time as we please, right?  So if Kickball is a luxury that we choose for ourselves then so be it!  It's a sign of the times "look how far we have come".  Then we got rained out last week and I thought about it some more....

Maybe what we are doing is a lot more primitive than I think.  In fact it's actually animalistic.  On its simplest level, competition is nothing more than Darwinism in it's most basic form.  Who's the strongest and fastest?  Who's more clever than who?  Who's going to win?  Is this something we are preprogramed to do?  Is our past time of kickball a natural instinct of competition that we must do?  It's a fact that the most natural instinct for humans is to pack.  We have family's, clubs, friends, mates, churches, political affiliation, whatever.  They are all nothing more than people coming together as a group for a common goal.  The Double Deuce Kickball team is our pack, and every Friday night we go up against another one and try to prove we are more awesome than they are.  Some weeks are better than others, some weeks Autum shows up.  Autum buys her jeans with the rips already in them so you can tell she's awesome even before you hear her talk or play.  Some weeks Cross "pulls his quad" jogging over to coach 3rd...not so awesome.

Well my conclusion is this.  whichever way you see it, each week I really enjoy getting our pack together and testing our metal against the other team's.  I also like drinking beer.

This week we play Jerkstore at 6:30, we have somewhat of a rivalry with them from years past and in an added twist our newest player Erica is co-workers with the newest girl on the Jerkstore.  So Erica don't forget to pull her chair out from under her Friday after lunch in hopes of bruising her tailbone before the big game.  In the survival of the fittest there is no such thing as cheating or being a poor sport.

Let me know who is in or out this week.

Friday, June 13, 2008

A Hard Rain Is Gonna Fall....

So, it's Friday at 5:15, I'm home and ready to play some kickball later, but that Bitch Mother Nature is getting in my way.  I looked at the weather map and the whole state of Michigan looks like a soiled Kleenex Leah used during a severe sinus infection, 3 different shades of green with some red spots sprinkled in there.  

Needless to say I'm not to happy about it, we had a solid squad and a weak team to play against.  The Bonsall's were in town from the U.P., and now we have a make up game which will screw me come August 16th at the Port Hope Kickball Tournament.  Plus last weeks "Ass of the Week" was coming back to try to go 2 in a row.

Looks like Cross, Kerri, and Autum won't miss a game after all.

Turns out Friday the 13th IS unlucky, right?!?  Cause the game got canceled...that's unlucky right?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Field Directions

Attached are the directions to the field.  Remember, 8 o'clock start.  I don't plan on meeting up anywhere before the game, I'll be home between 4:30 and 5 on Friday if anyone is in the area I'll be around.  I plan on leaving for the field around 6:45 or 7, maybe sooner, so if anyone wants to meet up at the field or my place let me know, I'll be there.

Per Cross, Tim and Strong are on beer duty.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Friday's Game

Quick note, the game is at 8:00pm this Friday.  What this means to you.

1) The game is behind the pool at "the main fields on Oak Park Blvd and Coolidge, which means...
3) Lots of time for pre-drinking before the game. (Please note I am known to pull myself out of games when they start late, due to lose of motor skills).
4) Our Rival is going to be playing on the field at 6:30, which means I will be at the field early(around 7) to watch the competition and try to get some sun on my pale legs.  But mostly to make a scene and talk some crap to Marilyn and her crappy team.
5) Lot of time to pre-drink before the game.
6) The Freeballers are 0-4, but they have faced some tough competition, so we still have to show up and play a good solid game.

So far the team for Friday is:
Ryan, Brian,  Tim, Mike, Rick, Scott, Steve
Sarah, Leah, Erica, Shannon, Leigh, Ang

Rick, it sounds like Jen is out but is Lauren in?  Not sure what is going to happen after the game but with the Bonsall's having a babysitter and the whole family in town I'm sure it will be an early night and Brian and Shannon will both be speaking english at 12:30 (incase it didn't translate well over text, that was about as sarcastic as I can be)

Good for now.

Monday, June 9, 2008

"Ass of the Week"

Tradition: an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom).  

That's what Webster called Tradition.  Tradition is Mistletoe at Christmas, Easter Baskets in the Spring, Fire Works on the 4th of July, eating and drinking to much at an NFL draft party, every 5th payday picking out a person at random at the mall following them home getting their address then sending them dirty pictures, or a note that just says "ONly 39 dAys LeFt, usE tHem wiSelY" written in chicken blood, in the mail on obscure holiday's like, Flag Day, Arbor Day, Take Your Daughter To Work Day.....crap, kind of let that one slip.

Well I'm proud to say this Team has a Tradition.  Every week a player earns the "Ass of the Week" award.  A player is picked for doing something outstanding, it doesn't have to be directly related to the field, it just has to be memorable.  I base my decision on several variables.  Effort, humor, unexpected events, beer consumption (mine and yours), weather, it could literally be anything, and it starts from the start of the week until everyone is in bed that night.   Every week we start from scratch, and as they say, the cream rises to the top each and every week. 

I call it the "Ass of the Week" as a term of endearment, call it my sick sense of humor, call it getting lucky and stumbling across that awesome trophy, call it whatever you want, but thats our tradition, thats our Mistletoe.

Homework for the week.  Write a post "What "Ass of the Week" means to me.

Week One....


So week one is in the books, and the Double Deuce is 0-2.  I have some mixed emotions about the game.  I guess I would compare it to when I was younger and I would play video games for hours on end.....It was fun, but it wasn't something I would run out and tell all my friends about.  It's kind of the same feeling when you "hook up" with a not so attractive someone at da' club, or rub one out to the Victoria Secret catalog...ok you got me, the JC Penny Spring/Summer Catalog.  I guess what I'm saying is that when it was all over I really didn't feel like high 5'ing a lot.  However, it wasn't all gloom and doom.  I still had a great time, which I hope everyone did, and we had several bright spots.  

#1 Shannon's back down to her fighting weight.  I didn't want to say it last year, but I was more than a little disappointed that Mrs. Bonsall didn't have the baby weight gone by the beginning of last season.  I didn't bring it up because I thought there would be some backlash from the females on the team for pointing out the fact that she gave birth about 40 days before game one, that's 960 hours, 57,600 minutes.  HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU NEED!!!!!??????  I brought it up to a couple of people and the consensus was that I would be called a "Jerk" or possibly even an "Insensitive Bastard".  But that's all water under the bridge because Shannon looks faster than ever, which is a big deal going forward.

#2 Two words, Steven Birchfield.  In Steve's first kickball game he did very well.  Some, nice kicks, and some amazing catches.  Lets face it, and with no disrespect to the ladies in the field, Tim and Steve basically covered that outfield themselves in some very windy conditions.  I'm unsure if Steve will be able to get back to any games this year because his mean spirited self-centered girlfriend is making him get a job.  However, I look forward to facing off against Steve August 16th in the Port Hope Tournament when he brings in a team of his own....and every time he is up I'm going to yell "Hey Panicy-Pants Birchfield!  Remember that time you went to kick the ball and fell on your ass?  Ass Face!".  
#3 It's just nice to be playing kickball again.

I would like to take this moment, to give out "Ass of the Week".  We had a couple options this week, Bonsall hit a nice home run.  Tim made some nice plays in the outfield.  Erica Little made her kickball debut, I always take a little pride in introducing someone new to the game and become excited for them.  On that note I would like to mention last year's newcomer Kerri Dhyse who completely blew off people that were volunteering to cure cancer to be at the field Friday.  That effort alone gives Kerri the runner up award.  However, the week one "Ass of the Week" goes to Steven Birchfield.  Way to go Steve!

This week we play The Freeballers, with a little effort we should live up to our team name and our record will be a Double Deuce...2-2.

Let me know if you are in for this week by posting below.  You don't have to log on, you can just post anonymously and sign your name.  FYI, the U.P. Coalition will be here next week, so I'm looking forward to Mr. Bonsall being on the bench, Scott and Leigh in the field, and Mrs. Bonsall (Not Shannon) watching the baby.  

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

One More Sleep!!!

So I'm kind of embarrassed!  Tim must have snuck into my room last night and took a picture of me sleeping.  Ever since the uniforms came in I've been wearing my jersey to bed, and lady's, incase you were wondering.....nothing else.  The kickball pillow is a trend I've been trying to set for the past six months, it's not really catching on, and I think I'm starting to develop some kind of 'bifida' from it.  I was spooning the other kickball because I'm incredibly lonely.  

We are playing Ballz Deep Friday at 6:30.  Last year we were 1-3 against them with scores of 7-9, 5-6, 7-11 in the loses and 10-9 in our one win.  So I anticipate a good old fashioned Cockfight!  Bonsall, I know you don't need any motivation, but this is the team that you got all bloodied up with last year, and won your only "Ass of the Week Award".

The game time temperature will be about 88 and windy, but it is suppose to feel like 90.  Needless to say Bonsall's armpit sweat will be ample.  I suggest you bring a little water with you, Cross will let everyone know who is bringing beer.  Tim, since you are more than likely the authority for getting a peak performance in hot weather, any tips will help.  As far as I can tell the biggest advantage to it being so hot is that we will be sweating the booze out so fast it won't have time to get to our bladders and we won't even notice there is no bathroom at this field. 

We are playing at Key Field.  Map and directions below.  Traffic is going to be a pain in the ass, with 696 down to a couple of lanes from M53 to Coolidge, so plan ahead.  Try to be at the field by at least 6:10 or 6:15 please, So far we have 6 and 6.  Girls are Shannon, Leah, Kerri, Ang, Erica, and Sarah.  Guys are Bonsall, Cross, Tim, Mike, Steve, and myself.  Should be pretty solid.  I'm bringing the T-Shirt, you bring your $35 big ones.....I feel like Norman Dale right before he walked into the gym for the first game "Welcome to Oak Park Kickball" (I bet only Cross got that joke).

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Fish Taco Night!!!!

So there I was, sitting at my desk on what seemed to be a normal Monday afternoon, and I get an email from lead off kicker Autum Pierson.  And she's all "what up? I'll be at your desk later today to say 'Hi'"  So I'm happy to hear that because, while Autum and I communicate and stay in touch we don't actually "lay eyes" on each other to often, and when we get together it's usually a good time.

So sure enough, late in the day she swings by, fresh off of signing her lease in downtown Royal Oak.  It was all so normal to start, we traded jokes and stories, and when it was time to leave we decided to head to Royal Oak for "A drink".  Well, one drink at one bar eventually lead to several drinks at 5 bars....and someone had a Fish Taco.....I'm not going to say who, but I think the pictures speak for themselves.  (sorry for the quality, my cell does not have a flash)

Sunday, June 1, 2008

What's In A Name

It's hard to believe that this is my 4th year playing Kickball, and 3rd year coaching the team.  Without really trying it has become an yearly tradition to rename the team.  The first year the team name was Miscellaneous Deductions....not my idea.  The first thing I did was change the name to Cobra Kai, a strong name for sure.  This name invoked fear into our opponents, because not only did they know they didn't have an elderly Japanese Gentleman to help them, but they didn't have nearly enough heart or luck to pull off a "Daniel Larusso", everyone knows 99 times out of 100 he loses that tournament.

The next year after going through what could be called my "Ron Burgundy Phase" we wound up with Sex Panther, by Odeon.  While the name was alright, lets face it, it was a one trick pony.

So this year when it came time to name the team I went back to basics.  I needed something strong, something that put fear into the hearts and minds of the other team but at the same time gave us a certain style and grace, in a word I needed....Swayze.  But which masterpiece from "The Swayz's" catalog could to this?  After about 2 seconds of thought I decided it could only be Road House.  From The Swayz's seemingly limitless ass kicking ability, his perfect hair, his ability to pick up Emergency Room employee's, and being impervious to pain, we had to go this way and I think you will agree.

So the T-Shirts are in, and since I picked them up on Friday I have been wearing each and every one of the 20 shirt to try and get a "feel" for them.  I think it will help bring me closer to every team member, so when I look across the field and lock eyes with any given teammate I can say to myself "Hey, I know what it's like to walk a mile in their shirt, I know what it's like to sweat like a hog in that shirt.  I know what it's like to use public bathroom, after public bathroom in that shirt.  I know what it's like to eat ribs and use that shirt as a napkin.  I know what it's like to watch Cinimax after midnight on a Friday night in that shirt." 

So I can't wait unitl Friday, stay tuned for more posts this week for more details.

The First Post

With the first game this Friday at 6:30 I figured it was time to put the Blog together.  Recently I decided I needed to get my own on ramp to the information super highway, so I got a computer and a camera.  I anticipate this will lead to a much better coverage of the team, league, and upcoming tournament on August 16th.

Also due to some recent email regulations that are going into effect at work, I will not be sending out the usual kickball emails every week.  I'm going to be using this blog as a way to make sure we have enough people for the game each week, and giving the usual kickball updates and events.  Overall I think it will be better.  I will email out a link whenever I post, and please use the comments section to let me know if you are in or out each week.  So with that being said....let me know if you are in or out this Friday.